You define the contours of your character and the shape of your life by what you say “no” to. For example, saying no to invitations is the way you safeguard the attention you need to say yes to what matters most. Saying no to demands that compromise your values is how you secure your hold on those values. Articulating your reservations about a proposal is the work of acquainting yourself with your own thoughts. Expressing disagreement with an exuberant crowd is the very sacrament of personal integrity. A sculptor creates a masterpiece from stone by subtracting the pieces that don’t belong. By the same token, it is what remains after removing those things you decline that becomes who you are.
How to Say “No” at Work Without Making Enemies
Be confident and explain your thinking.
August 05, 2019
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Summary.
As important as it is to say “no” to requests that aren’t a great use of our time and energy, many of us feel dread when we have to do it. Saying no is hard because we are a species that treats agreement as affection and denial as rejection. It may be unavoidable that others will be disappointed by your response, but there are some things you can do to help. Don’t simply say “no” — share the reasoning behind your decision and the values that motivate your conclusion. If you don’t, others will fill the vacuum you leave with their fears and biases. Let others know you sympathize with the values your position compromises. Decisions are rarely as simple as black and white, right and wrong; they typically involve value trade-offs. Be sure to honor the worthy values that may motivate others’ positions. It’s important to take a firm stand, but not an overstated one. You alienate more than you convince when you make absolute statements like “The only reasonable conclusion we can draw is…” or “The right answer is…” Show that you’re a thoughtful person who has arrived at a conclusion.